My depression has been really unmanageable as of late. It interfered with my vacation to Florida and caused me to miss out on a lot of great experiences with my fellow BRCA sisters that I have waited nearly 2 years to meet. I stopped blogging and I don't get out much. I hate when things get like this. When depression takes over everything. Logical reasoning disappears and I just become this big ball of crabbiness and hate. I am currently unsure if I will be continuing this blog. My initial thought was to log on and delete my account but after reading my aunt Jan's blog it has made me think more about all the gifts that life gives us daily. I have decided to take this weekend and think it over as rationally as my depression brain will allow.
I'm headed up north tomorrow to go to my aunts Jeanie's celebration of life benefit. After 2 1/2 years of surgeries and treatments she is currently CANCER FREE!!
I am a 30 year old BRCA 1 positive mom of 3 girls and I am living with fibromyalgia. After many night of insomnia and my mind racing with thoughts Ive decided to start writing it all out. This BRCA gene sure has ruffled my feathers so to speak and I am just trying to figure it all out. I'll warn you I am horrible at English and my writing skills are less then desirable but I'll try my best to be mildly entertaining.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Ms Mutant her heart of desires
Moments ago I was watching a show that posed the question. Do you know what your hearts greatest desire is? I decided to post this question on my Facebook page out of curiosity to see just how many people would take the time to think about it. I decided that as I posted this question to all my friends that I too needed to think about what my hearts greatest desires are.
I think often we are faced with questions like this that we don't know how to answer so we brush it off and ignore it. I know I am one of those people. It isn't that I don't know its that we often think we need to give a simple answer. How can our greatest hearts desire be simplified though?
One of my greatest desires is to live in the present moment and experience it fully. I often let negative moods from those around me stop me from truly loving the present moment. I let fears of the what ifs spoil the moment. How great would it be though if we literally stopped and smelled the roses more. Hugged our kids a little tighter and let ourselves take a deep breath and just relax. There are so many things to love and appreciate around us that we ignore. God has given us so many beautiful gifts in life.
For me living a healthy, happy life in this lifetime is my great desire. A parallel desire is to help others to do the same. I want so very much to be able to spread love and happiness. Starting in my own household. My fiance Tim is a great man but he is definitely filled with a lot more negativity and anger then I. It would be so great if I could witness in my lifetime a peace come over him. I hope to keep a positive loving outlook in my life that will in turn help Tim find his peace. I certainly feel that if my entire family could feel peace we would be much able to fulfill our hearts greatest desires.
I have a huge desire in my heart to help find a cure for cancer. I would love so very much to never have to lose another family member or friend to cancer. I wish so much to have all my previvor friends to remain just that..previvors. I hope to find a job that makes me feel good. I want to help my fellow man/woman. I want to help them make a sad perhaps painful time in there life in to a powerful loving time. I want to help others make everyday a good day. These are my hearts greatest desires.
~ The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart. ~
Helen Keller
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